Wedding Book Review: "Diary of a Mad Bride" (not me...yet!!)

Recently, I started reading "Diary of a Mad Bride" to psyche myself up for more wedding stuff and let me tell you...It's working.  But not all in the good way...

I hate to say it, but the bride in this book is a BI-OTCH! However, it seems that she eventually realizes her actions are silly and assholeish, but still  it makes me feel grateful. Like she complains that her man proposed to her "in the concession line of a stinky movie theatre" but then feels bad when she learns that he proposed where they had had their first kiss. How does a woman not remember something like that? I would be totally awed by that - it would be unexpected and totally romantic. Who needs a ring at the bottom of a champage glass? Anyway, that's totally cliched now.

How could you get any more romantic or '80s?

And then she complains that she got her groom's great-grandmother's emerald ring for an engagement ring. Emeralds are AWESOME! And  yeah yeah, I guess I can't really relate b/c I got a diamond, but if it was an heirloom then I'd most likely be thrilled. Also, from the consumeristic point of view, since the engagement ring was free, she can get as many diamonds as she wants on the wedding band. =)



Srsly, how pretty is that?!



Then she complains that her parents and the grooms parents are only giving her $5000 dollars per family. This one, I kind of get because the thing that I've learned so far is that weddings are EXPENSIVE!!! And this lady wants a New York wedding where the cheapest venue is $4000. But also a lot of people's parents don't pay for the wedding and somehow they get by. Besides, there's always eloping - $10k would buy a sweet vacay + beach wedding!

Which brings me to my second point. Other people in her book are so rude! From her Grandma telling her that an emerald isn't good enough and that she shouldn't marry her guy b/c his parents are divorced, to her obnoxious colleague telling her she should have 6 kids, to her former boss busting out into tears because she  (the boss) is not married yet. Just in general, most people aren't that thrilled for her or say, "Wow...I didn't think you were the marrying kind." (including her parents!).



I'm too lazy to crop the "American Idol" logo out of this one.



I don't know if she got this from experience or testimonials because I haven't gotten any of these reactions. My mom almost cried (from joy), two random coworkers hugged me, all my girl friends asked to see my ring, and Math's mom said, "It's about time." I guess her way was just more interesting, if you tried to write a book about my wedding planning, you might be bored. Though I am trying to write a blog about it....

I'll make sure I let y'all know if I get any weird reactions. Hehe.

But, on the other hand, there are definitely posts where the author talks about how happy she is to be marrying the guy that she is. She compliments her guy on putting the toilet seat down (that's love right there). So I guess that's good even though these entries are a few sentences where the rants are sometimes paragraphs. I still feel like she is complaining more often. It's good I recognized it though so hopefully I can be more positive. :-)

And the third point I'd like to make is: thinking about her search for the perfect venue and looking at her to do list, made me stress out a little. (Hence the appearence of the To Do page). There is so much to do... you singletons (hehe I can use that word now!) have no idea, but you married-tons know exactly what I'm talking about and are probably cringing at the memories right now. Or throwing up in your mouth a little. I know I would be if I weren't and insane freak who loves taking on too much and then having breakdowns once in a while.


The horrifying wedding to-do list.


I really wonder if there is a correlation between how much time you spent planning the wedding and how much time you spend on the marriage. Someone must have done a study on this at some point. Though you can always look at it alà Carrie Bradshaw: "The worse the wedding, the better the marriage." =D

Minus 1 Anniversary

I didn't have time to write this the other day so I'm writing up my notes from a few days ago.

July 14, 2011

Well, it's exactly a year until the wedding (366 days to be precise, 2012 is a leap year!). Today we went to a Rockies game (vs. Milwaukee Brewers). We had these sweet club level seats given to us by Math's parents who have season tickets.The Rockies won 12-3. So woo! Afterward we went out with Zibo to a few bars in downtown and I got accidentally drunk off of free ladies' drinks. But Math was a perfect gentleman and made sure we got off the right bus stop while I slept, let me into his office on campus to pee on our walk home and went with me to King Stoopids to buy Gatorade. It definitely reminded me of why I'm marrying him!

So now that I'm officially in the "wedding timeframe" of The Knot (no longer am I the "more" in "12 months or more") I figure that now I should get my ass in gear and start doing more stuff. Booking the venue got one monkey off my back, but also kind of put me in an accomplishment high. However, now I should probably start looking at things like caterers, the officiant (I think we know who this'll be), photographers and all the things that The Knot tells me I need. Oh and work on the guest list. Oh dear God.....the guest list....I have to compile a list of 250 mailing addresses and emails in a format from which I'll be able to make labels later. Please kill me...

But caterers are going to be fun. Once I get over the shock of how much it's going to cost, I think tastings will be exciting. Menu planning too....but knowing me, I'll probably want more than I can afford.:-/ Such is life when you're Lyndsie.

Photographers....not so much fun, except for the fact that all the ones I have in que so far are friends or friends of friends. That'll be cool - I'd definitely rather know my money is going to a friend.

Oh and we need to decide if we want to actually have a string quartet playing Radiohead for the pre and post ceremony. That's part of the issue - getting Math to decide on stuff without him thinking that it's too early. =P

Dance lessons....I have no idea how long it's going to take Math to get some rhythm so we should probably start earlier rather than later. Hehe I can say that because he never reads these anyway. ;-)

Honeymoon - the plan is to do a 7 night cruise then 6 nights or so in a timeshare with friends. Apparently cruises you need to book a year in advance so we have to look at that too. And pricing is important so we knwo how much we should save. Though, that's going to be hard lol. Yay credit cards. And honestly, I don't care if I get debt for this. It's a once in a lifetime thing. Fo sho!

Also, I'm thinking about getting Lasik. I'd love to have it before the wedding and honeymoon, but I don't know if I can afford it by then. It's SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE!  I need to pay off my entire credit card and then we can talk. My goal is January. But I also want an iPod Touch...decisions...haha!


Well my laptop is about to die so this will have to be a 2-part post.  Part two coming soon!

WMR #10 - The Hangover vs. The Hangover Part II

The Hangover: 2009 vs. The Hangover Part II: 2011

Watch dates: 3/30/11 and 6/5/11

Here's something new! Instead of reviewing these movies separately because all sane people know they are AWESOME, I am going to do a comparison between the two. But first, lLet me get this out of the way now: They are pretty much the exact same movie. OK...moving on..

Setting:  
Hangover - Vegas. "Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except herpes. That shit never goes away."
Hangover II - Bangkok. "Bangkok has them now."


"Plot": (spoilers!)
1 - Doug's wife is getting married and his 2 best friends, Stu and Phil want to take him to Vegas for his bachelor party but they have to drag along Doug's fiancee's brother, Alan (who's "special"). In Vegas, Alan rufees them (as in the drug) and they wake up in Caesar's palace with a baby, a tiger and no memory of the night before. Stu's missing and tooth but worst of all...they've lost Doug, the groom. They try to piece the night together and run into all kinds of crazy shit. They meet a stripper, get tasered by some cops, find an Asian crime boss naked in their trunk, meet a  false "Doug" and get the shit beat out of them (multiple times). Finally they find Doug and make it back to the wedding with minutes to spare - the fiancee none the wiser.


2 - Stu's getting married this time and the wedding is in Thailand. Phil, Stu and Stu's fiancee's 16-yo brother, Teddy go to the beach for beers. Alan gets reluctantly brought along again and again he drugs them (with marshmallows this time). They wake up in a dingy hotel in Bangkok with a monkey, a severed finger, Mr. Chow (Asian crime boss from the first movie) and no memory of the night before.  Alan's head is shaved and Stu has a face tattoo. The monkey has on little pants and vest. Mr. Chow snorts coke and dies, though he "gets better" later. And again, they've lost someone. This time it's Teddy, the 16-yo super smart, super talented, honor student that is the fiancee's dad's pride and joy. As they try to piece the night together they run into all kinds of crazy shit. They meet a stripper/prostitute (transvestite/transexual/hermaphrodidic(?) - the one w/ boobs and a penis) this time, find a mute monk (a false "Teddy"), get shot at and have their monkey stolen by crazed Russian gangsters, get beaten up by some of the mute monk's monk friends, and get yelled at for starting a riot....Finally they find Teddy and make it to the wedding with minutes to spare. Oh and Mr. Chow gets arrested.


Stu:
Wow, he must really have low self esteem and a self destructive personality b/c he:
1 - Conservative dentist dating a "cunt". Gets bossed around by her. When he's in Vegas he: Marries a stripper and pulls out his own tooth. Freaks out about it. Sings and plays the piano in their Caesar's Palace suite.
2 - Meets an actually nice girl this time yet he's now a super-conservative, ultra-paranoid dentist who puts napkins over his drinks to keep from getting rufee-ed. In Bangkok he: Has sex with a female/male stripper/prostitute and gets a face tattoo like Mike Tyson's. Freaks out a WHOLE LOT about it. Finds a guitar in Chow's boat and sings again. 

Phil:
1 - Goes to the hospital for some unknown reason. Swears a lot.
2 - Gets shot, goes to the hospital (I think. But I may have the two movies confused).  Swears a lot. He also tries to steal Stu's prescription pad at the beginning. LOL


Alan:
This is the one character who actually seems to be the most different between the two movies.

1 - Is an incompetent idiot-savant. Thinks he's buying ecstasy or some other drug like that from the fake Doug (also called black "Doug" in the movie). Gets sold rufees instead. Redeems himself slightly by learning how to count cards and wins a bunch of money at Black Jack to pay back Mr. Chow. Gets attached to the baby and names him Carlo (I think). He's annoying, but earnest and he really enjoys hanging out with "the three best friends that anyone could have." (Here's the extended version of Stu, Phil and Alan singing that). 

2 - He's a much bigger asshole in this one. He is not shy about his jealousy and dislike for Teddy - the bride's younger brother that gets dragged along - even though Alan was that guy in the first one. He intentionally drugs the guys with marshmallows tainted with some kind of anti-depressant/sleeping pills/diabetes medication (or something like that) though he had intended to only drug Teddy. There's a little bit of the bumbling idiot left when he does a speech at the rehearsal dinner that lists depressing facts about Thailand (pronouncing it THAI not TAI) like how much poverty there is and how many people die in car crashes in a year. He gets attached to the monkey which is why the group has him in the first place. I liked him a whole lot less in #2 than in  #1. 


Doug:
1 - Gets lost in the first ~30 minutes, comes back in the last ~30. 
2 - Participates more in the beginning of the movie and even starts the night off with beers with the guys. But then his wife asks him to come back because she wasn't feeling well. So he misses all the drugged-out "fun" but is a little bit more involved in this movie as the "phone contact" for the group. Overall, still not a major player.


Mr. Chow:
1 - Pretty much just jumps out of their trunk naked and yells profanities at them. Then later ransoms "Doug" (Turns out to be the fake Doug), though I can't remember why. Yells more profanities at them in a terrible Chinese accent He's pretty funny. Here's more bad accent:

2 - Apparently he and Alan became friends after the first movie and Mr. Chow is conveniently in Bangkok too.  Somehow he's an international crime boss of sorts (though not a very good one as he gets arrested in the end). However, he is a much more inappropriate, drug-using, sex-having, profanity-yelling crime boss who sorta dies from "blow" in the beginning only to come back halfway through. He's not a ton of help in solving the mystery but he's still relatively funny.


The Victim:
This part is also slightly different in each movie.
1 - Doug: the groom and Stu and Phil's best friend. Got fucked up with them and makes it back to the hotel with them, but then is put on the roof w/ his mattress as a prank. They forgot he was up there and the door automatically locked so he couldn't come down on his own.
2 - Teddy: the bride's younger (16 years old) brother. Gets fucked up with them and also makes it back to the hotel with them. But at some point he cuts off his own finger, goes to get more ice but the power goes off and he's trapped in the elevator. 
Both were decently clever and well alluded to in the beginning but not overdone. I, personally, didn't guess where either of them were, though in the 2nd one I think I was less surprised when they found him because I knew how the first one went. But then again, I'm dense when it comes to these things.

Overall both are worth seeing if you like comedies like this and are not easily offended. Also, you have to not take yourself too seriously. Oh and there's quite a bit of male nudity in the second one which was a bit shocking. =)

Not going to give a star rating because these movies are a totally different breed of horse than the others I've seen. They're more like "I Love You, Man" but still way more tactless.

Wedding Movie List: 
1). Father of the Bride  2/5
2). My Big Fat Greek Wedding  4/5
3). The Wedding Singer
4). Made of Honor
5). The Wedding Crashers
6). Four Weddings and a Funeral
7). 27 Dresses
8). My Best Friend's Wedding
9). Bride Wars 2/5
10). The Wedding Planner 1/5
11). Bridesmaids 1/5
12). Muriel's Wedding
13). Runaway Bride
14). You Again 1/5
15). Something Borrowed 1/5

16). I Love You, Man 4/5

17). The Hangover

18). Wedding Daze 1.5.5

19). The Hangover 2

20). Wedding Date